"I don't fucking know. I'm not even from Earth. All I know is he offered them free will, and they took it. Just like he offered it to me, and I took it."
Night Sky gently set her hand atop Bear Heart's head, knowing full well the beast was catching on to her irritation.
"The only reason he did that was because you insulted me and suggested he shouldn't be around kids. And he didn't seem to enjoy it. I don't think anyone should go around killing anyone, but I've known people to get pushed into a corner. The only thing you can do when that happens is start biting. Also, for your hunger problem — did you ever ask the leaders? There's no way they're just going to let you starve."
It didn't sound accusatory — she was genuinely asking if he had gone down that particular path.
"Stop. This shit right here," she pointed a finger at him. "This shit is uncalled for. I'm not better than you. I'm a fucking elf that lived in the woods her whole life, died of consumption, and came back against her will because a cruel god needed to use me as a weapon. You don't know me, Alastor. I had nothing for so long, so forgive me if I want to keep this one thing from falling apart. And forgive me for caring about the man that saw enough in me that he wanted to make me his wife."
"Your definition of 'free will' must be different than mine. Because if he made you an offer and you chose to accept it, it seems you had free will all along: You could have rejected it, ma'am. Or perhaps I'm simply ignorant to the true definition of it."
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In life, the only option he'd had was fawn. In Hell, he would fight as much as he could while still having to fawn to the one holding his leash. Here, he'd been free and had fought when cornered until he couldn't anymore. So it was time to put on the old fawning routine that he slid into like a second skin.
He said nothing in response to her pointing out people bite when pushed into a corner, allowing the "but it's obviously different when I do it" hang silent between them. He'd at least felt backed into a corner and had bitten but he was treated differently than Lucifer’s own bite. A bite the man clearly felt zero remorse for yet Alastor was expected to grovel.
"My hunger is my punishment," he said bluntly. "I am made to suffer for my crimes for eternity. I accept the consequences and refuse to hand over control of it to those I cannot trust. The price of them solving the issue would be too high, and I am already strangling on my leashes.
"And forgive me for correcting the record and pointing out you know nothing of me because you're wrong. You are better than me, and it's high time I behave appropriately."
"No. I didn't. Even here I was bound to that god — I'm sure the second he knew where I was he would take me back and turn me into the mindless husk I was before I got here. You don't know what Lucifer has done for me, or how he's freed me from those shackles. He is everything to me. I owe him my life." And her freedom, most importantly.
"Then its your own doing. You have the opportunity to not be miserable — take it."
She shook her head. "Why do you think I'm better than you?"
"I wasn't miserable here. Even starving, I was content. I got to wake up and see a blue sky. I got to walk down the street and not have people literally lighting themselves on fire to get away. I had everything I wanted with the only Deal I needed to obey being to keep Lucifer's past secret. I was free."
And he wasn't anymore.
"Because from the sound of it, you lived a life that you were content with and your imprisonment was through no fault of your own.
"You weren't a mulato bastard with Ideas about how he could rise above the bayou he'd been born in instead of accepting that he was never going to be anything in the end. That every day spent selling out your own self-respect to reach as high as you possibly could was meaningless in the end. That you let pretty words convince you to reach for more than what you asked for when you decided to prepare yourself for your inevitable Fall, setting yourself up for a chain around your neck. I sold my freedom, my dignity, and for what? To basically end up right back in the Mississippi mud I was spawned from.
"If I'd truly been smart and clever, I would have accepted my place: working a menial job and accepting neither side of my heritage would ever see me as anything worthwhile."
"Consumption in humans lasts a few weeks at most before dying. How it works on elves, I don't know," he said bluntly. "But I doubt you did anything deliberately to make yourself ill. Your death and fate weren't because you deliberately zigged when you knew you should have zagged. I died because I was burying a body in an area typically used for hunting, shot by an idiot who decided to hunt at night when he shouldn't have. I probably would have lived longer were it not for the choices that led to that moment. I earned my death and damnation. Did you do the same?"
He scoffed.
"He killed me over insults. I didn't physically attack him. He was under no threat. You were under no threat. And the insults weren't even directed at you and Charlie: They were about how his behavior towards you all was. The only time I actually insulted you, you were present for. He killed me over a wounded ego and ensured my silence because explaining 'my side' would risk revealing his past in Hell, violating our Deal. And people did what they always do: fill in the details to make their favored participant look better."
He allowed that to sink in a moment before continuing.
"And now I can't simply live my life because in the court of public opinion, I am wholly untrustworthy. If dear sweet Lulu killed me, he had to be justified in doing so. Tell him not to do it again but the real guilt lies with the mean old Radio Demon."
He turned away again, intending to leave.
"Why the hell would I not believe he'd do it again in a heartbeat? Especially when he got away with it? He's no different than my past victims who got off Scott free in that sense. I just have no recourse against him and no means of defending myself from the ostracization of my peers as a result. So I give up. I accept my place. I don't understand why you refuse to be satisfied: Your beloved gets what he wants; you get what you want."
"I didn't have to earn anything, sometimes you're just damned from the start with no say in it." Not like it was her fault he decided to be a murderer.
There was clearly no reasoning with the guy, and unlike Lioriley, Night Sky didn't really care to try anymore.
"I'm perfectly satisfied," she corrected, "I just don't understand why you think you're everyone's public enemy number one. I doubt most people know what happened, and you're not the only Visitors that have had an altercation or don't like each other. You're not special, Alastor, and I doubt you're as ostracized as you think. You just want to be miserable. So by all means, go ahead."
She shrugged and snapped her fingers to get her dogs attention. "Hopefully you stop being a sad sack and go try and make up with the people that do like you still. Thanks for the apology, and learn to knock on doors when you're visiting."
How many ways did he have to say "I did this to myself and I've accepted it" before someone finally believe him? That he accepted the punishment for his own actions?
"Believe what you wish, my lady. Though I thought it was obvious that I wasn't special."
Not like her and Lucifer.
He bit back the "of course you'd think I wasn't isolated by it all" on the tip of his tongue. Smile and accept, Alastor.
"I'll not bother you again. Have a pleasant evening."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Night Sky gently set her hand atop Bear Heart's head, knowing full well the beast was catching on to her irritation.
"The only reason he did that was because you insulted me and suggested he shouldn't be around kids. And he didn't seem to enjoy it. I don't think anyone should go around killing anyone, but I've known people to get pushed into a corner. The only thing you can do when that happens is start biting. Also, for your hunger problem — did you ever ask the leaders? There's no way they're just going to let you starve."
It didn't sound accusatory — she was genuinely asking if he had gone down that particular path.
"Stop. This shit right here," she pointed a finger at him. "This shit is uncalled for. I'm not better than you. I'm a fucking elf that lived in the woods her whole life, died of consumption, and came back against her will because a cruel god needed to use me as a weapon. You don't know me, Alastor. I had nothing for so long, so forgive me if I want to keep this one thing from falling apart. And forgive me for caring about the man that saw enough in me that he wanted to make me his wife."
no subject
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In life, the only option he'd had was fawn. In Hell, he would fight as much as he could while still having to fawn to the one holding his leash. Here, he'd been free and had fought when cornered until he couldn't anymore. So it was time to put on the old fawning routine that he slid into like a second skin.
He said nothing in response to her pointing out people bite when pushed into a corner, allowing the "but it's obviously different when I do it" hang silent between them. He'd at least felt backed into a corner and had bitten but he was treated differently than Lucifer’s own bite. A bite the man clearly felt zero remorse for yet Alastor was expected to grovel.
"My hunger is my punishment," he said bluntly. "I am made to suffer for my crimes for eternity. I accept the consequences and refuse to hand over control of it to those I cannot trust. The price of them solving the issue would be too high, and I am already strangling on my leashes.
"And forgive me for correcting the record and pointing out you know nothing of me because you're wrong. You are better than me, and it's high time I behave appropriately."
no subject
"Then its your own doing. You have the opportunity to not be miserable — take it."
She shook her head. "Why do you think I'm better than you?"
CW: Period-Typical Language
And he wasn't anymore.
"Because from the sound of it, you lived a life that you were content with and your imprisonment was through no fault of your own.
"You weren't a mulato bastard with Ideas about how he could rise above the bayou he'd been born in instead of accepting that he was never going to be anything in the end. That every day spent selling out your own self-respect to reach as high as you possibly could was meaningless in the end. That you let pretty words convince you to reach for more than what you asked for when you decided to prepare yourself for your inevitable Fall, setting yourself up for a chain around your neck. I sold my freedom, my dignity, and for what? To basically end up right back in the Mississippi mud I was spawned from.
"If I'd truly been smart and clever, I would have accepted my place: working a menial job and accepting neither side of my heritage would ever see me as anything worthwhile."
no subject
And then she died and couldn't even rest. So cool.
"You're still free. I don't understand why you think he's going to just come and kill you again. He just wants to live his life, the same way you do."
no subject
He scoffed.
"He killed me over insults. I didn't physically attack him. He was under no threat. You were under no threat. And the insults weren't even directed at you and Charlie: They were about how his behavior towards you all was. The only time I actually insulted you, you were present for. He killed me over a wounded ego and ensured my silence because explaining 'my side' would risk revealing his past in Hell, violating our Deal. And people did what they always do: fill in the details to make their favored participant look better."
He allowed that to sink in a moment before continuing.
"And now I can't simply live my life because in the court of public opinion, I am wholly untrustworthy. If dear sweet Lulu killed me, he had to be justified in doing so. Tell him not to do it again but the real guilt lies with the mean old Radio Demon."
He turned away again, intending to leave.
"Why the hell would I not believe he'd do it again in a heartbeat? Especially when he got away with it? He's no different than my past victims who got off Scott free in that sense. I just have no recourse against him and no means of defending myself from the ostracization of my peers as a result. So I give up. I accept my place. I don't understand why you refuse to be satisfied: Your beloved gets what he wants; you get what you want."
no subject
There was clearly no reasoning with the guy, and unlike Lioriley, Night Sky didn't really care to try anymore.
"I'm perfectly satisfied," she corrected, "I just don't understand why you think you're everyone's public enemy number one. I doubt most people know what happened, and you're not the only Visitors that have had an altercation or don't like each other. You're not special, Alastor, and I doubt you're as ostracized as you think. You just want to be miserable. So by all means, go ahead."
She shrugged and snapped her fingers to get her dogs attention. "Hopefully you stop being a sad sack and go try and make up with the people that do like you still. Thanks for the apology, and learn to knock on doors when you're visiting."
no subject
"Believe what you wish, my lady. Though I thought it was obvious that I wasn't special."
Not like her and Lucifer.
He bit back the "of course you'd think I wasn't isolated by it all" on the tip of his tongue. Smile and accept, Alastor.
"I'll not bother you again. Have a pleasant evening."