About 1% of Sylvan could read, so Night Sky was not an anamoly amongst her own people. Plenty here had offered to teach her — but she didn't really care either way. Plus, she liked hearing Lucifer read stories outloud for her.
Her dogs were familiar enough with Alastor thanks to his visits, but he didn't need to know she had told them both to be on the alert if things went south. For now, they settled at her heels.
"It's fine. The birds usually translate text for me. Doesn't work well for letters." She shrugged. "Either way. You wanted to talk?"
Honestly, even during his visits he expected the dogs to tear him to shreds should he set a hoof out of line.
"I'll not take up too much of your time, and I want to preface that by saying that I expect nothing for this meeting other than to give you what you're owed:
"I wish to apologize for my abominable behavior during my last visit to your home. Such uncouth behavior should never have been directed towards a lady such as yourself, and I've regretted it ever since. I didn't approach you earlier because I didn't wish to incur the wrath of your husband and be killed for daring to be in your vicinity, but I should have taken the risk anyway and accepted the consequences."
Because death was the only fitting response at this point.
He gave her another bow, this one lower than the first. Showing her submission which made his stomach churn in one last rebellion against proverbially kneeling.
"Again, I sincerely apologize for my behavior towards you."
Night Sky folded her arms over her chest. Given the chill in the air, she had opted for clothes today — a brown sweater hanging off one shoulder, and tight black leggings. She still didn't have shoes on.
"If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't ask Lucifer to do it." She said bluntly. "And I accept your apology, but you do know I was mostly upset by the implication he doesn't care about me, right?"
"I've no doubt of that, my dear; my concern wasn't that he would only do so if you asked it of him."
He still expected Lucifer to just smite him if he so much as thought about breathing in Night Sky's direction. For all he knew, the angel was circling around, waiting for a cue to send down the heavenly arrows.
If he was, fine. Alastor didn't give a shit anymore. Let the infinite death loop commence because very likely it was about to start.
"I hope he does for your sake, but I won't lie and try to reassure you that I doubted his fidelity simply in the heat of the moment. I said it because in my experience, anyone who thinks to degrade an opponent -- especially one of lesser ability -- by degrading those they themselves claim to love truly doesn't. Lucifer had a multitude of options to needle Adam with but he chose to flaunt lying with both of the man's ex-wives, one of whom he claimed to love, as if they were nothing more than notches in his bedpost." His eyes narrowed in old seething anger. "My mother didn't deserve that treatment, and I fail to think of anyone who does."
"I personally don't think that was the intent, but I guess I get why you'd think that." She really doubted Lucifer meant to throw the women under the bus with that statement. "You kind of did the same thing to me, though, by implying I'm just someone he's using, so maybe we all just say shit when we're angry and don't think of the more subtle implications."
"That was the uncouth behavior I was apologizing for: It was completely out of line and unforgivable." He shook his head. "I may not have feelings for you but that didn't mean that what I said was any more acceptable than if I did. I've regretted it since I said it."
Then things had escalated quickly. Plus it was very likely an apology at the time would have been seen as him trying to save face when, in reality, he did feel remorseful for it. He'd seen a pattern and echoed it when he knew better.
Fair enough. Night Sky sighed. "I wish I knew what you wanted to come out of that whole thing. He wasn't hiding anything, you know. And if he was, I didn't even know about."
"I initially came because the man had died and just been resurrected. In Hell, such a thing is excruciatingly painful since it's dying in reverse. His death had been near-instantaneous but that didn't guarantee his return to life would be. I figured a hearty meal that you didn't have to worry about making for him would help speed up the process, but he was just fine. Didn't seem to be phased in the slightest, cuddling up with you as if it were any other day!"
He took a deep breath, forcing his anger back under control.
"Since he hadn't exactly been forthcoming with what he'd seen before he'd started the recording with everyone, I chose to question him while his memory of it all was still fresh because who knows what little yet important details might be lost as time went on? Especially since someone had just murdered a faction leader and the new faction leader was the prime suspect. The power vacuum may have been closed immediately but that didn't come without social instability. Quite frankly, I've come to enjoy my time in Caldera even if I have to go hungry to be allowed to stay. I wasn't looking for one thing in particular; I was trying to see the whole picture to look for anything that might not fit to follow up on to eliminate possibilities given my own investigations at the scene of the crime with others had limited results."
Alastor's ears flattened as he glared off to one side.
"And his response to all that was irritation that I had the gall to interrupt his breakfast! He was perfectly fine physically and perfectly content to just let the memories molder! He wasn't allowed in Heaven's Bow anymore, so not his problem! His daughter was safe from the Exterminations, so they weren't his problem! Overlords in power who'd basically been running his kingdom for him didn't intrude on his palace, so not his problem! He might not be in Hell anymore, but he's still a king, and the peasantry should know not to bother him! And when he does decide to get up off his ass to do something as small as visiting his daughter's hotel, we should all be grateful for his presence to swoop in and save the day as if we hadn't been working ourselves to second death trying to make his daughter's dream work for the past five months!"
He stood there trembling, taking harsh, deep breaths to try and calm himself.
Yeah, someone had pent up Issues that Lucifer had unintentionally stamped on through no fault of his own.
"I think you misunderstood the initial problem. We didn't mind the company — I just wish you didn't break into my house to do all that. A simple heads up would have been nice. And it was... I mean, he wasn't fine, but haven't you considered that the king of Hell probably has to put on appearances a lot? You don't become that powerful and feared by looking weak, even when you feel like shit. It wasn't just that he died, either, he died saving me so, yeah, maybe we were cuddling up and wanted some time alone without an unannounced visitor, good intentions or not. But I don't even think he was mad at you for that." Not really? But she couldn't say for sure.
"I'm sorry you felt, I don't know, betrayed or like he's put himself on a pedestal, but the guy is literally just trying to live his life right now, just like you are. He went in there to try and find out information from Nymion, and maybe he went about it wrong, but you can't deny that he's trying. Just like he was with his announcement. And I'm sure you're trying, too, but you and him can't keep doing this shit. It's only going to make you both miserable."
"If he actually did anything as the King of Hell, I'd understand it, but he doesn't!" Alastor snarled. "He doesn't put in appearances, he doesn't attend official business, he does nothing! If the Overlords aren't running Pride, it was Queen Lilith doing all the work until she vanished! In fact, the fight with Adam was the first time he even thought about flexing a single feather to do something!"
He struggled for calm, failing entirely.
"He lost Heaven and Fell because he made a bad choice. Same as everyone else who's Fallen since. He's a Sinner just like the rest of us, but he's an angelic Sinner so he was handed a throne and has enough power in his pinky toe to wipe out the realm if he ever got the motivation to do it. If that's punishment, I'd love to trade places with him.
"And it doesn't matter how much I'm trying. Why would it?"
"A bad choice?" Night Sky was relatively calm thus far, but boy did that displease her. "He gave people free will and got punished for it — you think you'd be happy if that happened to you? He's allowed to have feelings even if he's the king of Hell."
She shook her head. "Isn't Charlie's whole thing redemption? Why aren't you trying to redeem yourself here if you care about her so much? Instead you're complaining about a man who, up until you insulted his wife, has been pretty fucking nice to you. If you stop thinking about him all the time and what he has, maybe you'll figure out what an opportunity this is."
Alastor gave her a bland stare. "Riddle me this, my dear: If humans had no free will to begin with, why were they given the choice to eat the Fruit of Knowledge? They were warned not to eat it, but they still had the option to do so anyway. Why was Lilith able to reject Adam if she was created to be his wife? Why did Lucifer have to convince Eve to partake of the Fruit if he simply could have ordered her to do so?"
He growled at her accusation. As if he hadn't been busting his ass...!
"As if I hadn't made a life for myself here. I run my own business, assist in these quests, and did everything I could to ignore the eternal hunger for human flesh. I worked hard and earned at least some basic level of respect, had companions I believed for once didn't simply want things from me. Lucifer was one of those number because I foolishly believed that once he was stripped of his power, I was seeing that the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree. Regardless of our Deal, he really did just enjoy our back-and-forths. That maybe, just maybe, I was wrong, and he was different from everyone else that was blessed with so much for simply existing.
"Then he killed me over me pointing out his failures, how he mistreated the ladies in his life and the consequences of his apathy in Hell. Did you know children could go to Hell? Cannibalism isn't a forgivable sin for any age. And not all of them could get to safety during the yearly Cleanse. With him once more acting the part of the King of Hell, I told him that I didn't trust him to do anything for those orphans, and he slaughtered me on their doorstep. Not quickly either. I lost count at seventeen of his blasts before he finally decided to finish me. Good thing he could clean everything up with a snap, hmm? I'm sure my blood and brain matter all over the front door would have never come out otherwise.
"Then I come back, and people tell me I should be civil to the man who slaughtered me, that I should take what he did with a smile. Miss Lioriley in particular pushed and pushed for something I can't give until I snapped at her, until I had to threaten her to leave before I lost control because I have been starving myself for a year to fit in here and, if I didn't get her away right then, I was going to eat her. And in return, I'm treated like a rabid dog that would kill at any moment and avoided while Lucifer who did snap over insults and did kill is given a slap on the wrist and a 'Oh, don't do that again, you naughty boy!'"
He gave a bitter chuckle.
"I told Lucifer why I threatened Miss Lioriley. Back at his grand announcement. You want to know what he told me I should have done? Take a few minutes to explain politely to her the issue. The man's clearly never starved a day in his existence. Meanwhile, I starved across not one but two lifetimes. For every pedigree at the top, there's hundreds of mongrels at the bottom, after all."
He spread his arms in a shrug. Despite the seething anger, there was strain in Alastor's face.
"But, you know, I never tried to make use of the opportunity here. I'm just obsessed with Lucifer. I deserve it. I'm just one more loathsome Sinner; I should accept it and thank my betters for giving me corrections when I cross the line.
"So that's what I'm going to do." He bowed to her again, deep as if she were royalty. "Thank you, Miss Night Sky, for helping me see how badly I wronged your husband. And I apologize for taking up so much of your precious time."
"I don't fucking know. I'm not even from Earth. All I know is he offered them free will, and they took it. Just like he offered it to me, and I took it."
Night Sky gently set her hand atop Bear Heart's head, knowing full well the beast was catching on to her irritation.
"The only reason he did that was because you insulted me and suggested he shouldn't be around kids. And he didn't seem to enjoy it. I don't think anyone should go around killing anyone, but I've known people to get pushed into a corner. The only thing you can do when that happens is start biting. Also, for your hunger problem — did you ever ask the leaders? There's no way they're just going to let you starve."
It didn't sound accusatory — she was genuinely asking if he had gone down that particular path.
"Stop. This shit right here," she pointed a finger at him. "This shit is uncalled for. I'm not better than you. I'm a fucking elf that lived in the woods her whole life, died of consumption, and came back against her will because a cruel god needed to use me as a weapon. You don't know me, Alastor. I had nothing for so long, so forgive me if I want to keep this one thing from falling apart. And forgive me for caring about the man that saw enough in me that he wanted to make me his wife."
"Your definition of 'free will' must be different than mine. Because if he made you an offer and you chose to accept it, it seems you had free will all along: You could have rejected it, ma'am. Or perhaps I'm simply ignorant to the true definition of it."
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In life, the only option he'd had was fawn. In Hell, he would fight as much as he could while still having to fawn to the one holding his leash. Here, he'd been free and had fought when cornered until he couldn't anymore. So it was time to put on the old fawning routine that he slid into like a second skin.
He said nothing in response to her pointing out people bite when pushed into a corner, allowing the "but it's obviously different when I do it" hang silent between them. He'd at least felt backed into a corner and had bitten but he was treated differently than Lucifer’s own bite. A bite the man clearly felt zero remorse for yet Alastor was expected to grovel.
"My hunger is my punishment," he said bluntly. "I am made to suffer for my crimes for eternity. I accept the consequences and refuse to hand over control of it to those I cannot trust. The price of them solving the issue would be too high, and I am already strangling on my leashes.
"And forgive me for correcting the record and pointing out you know nothing of me because you're wrong. You are better than me, and it's high time I behave appropriately."
"No. I didn't. Even here I was bound to that god — I'm sure the second he knew where I was he would take me back and turn me into the mindless husk I was before I got here. You don't know what Lucifer has done for me, or how he's freed me from those shackles. He is everything to me. I owe him my life." And her freedom, most importantly.
"Then its your own doing. You have the opportunity to not be miserable — take it."
She shook her head. "Why do you think I'm better than you?"
"I wasn't miserable here. Even starving, I was content. I got to wake up and see a blue sky. I got to walk down the street and not have people literally lighting themselves on fire to get away. I had everything I wanted with the only Deal I needed to obey being to keep Lucifer's past secret. I was free."
And he wasn't anymore.
"Because from the sound of it, you lived a life that you were content with and your imprisonment was through no fault of your own.
"You weren't a mulato bastard with Ideas about how he could rise above the bayou he'd been born in instead of accepting that he was never going to be anything in the end. That every day spent selling out your own self-respect to reach as high as you possibly could was meaningless in the end. That you let pretty words convince you to reach for more than what you asked for when you decided to prepare yourself for your inevitable Fall, setting yourself up for a chain around your neck. I sold my freedom, my dignity, and for what? To basically end up right back in the Mississippi mud I was spawned from.
"If I'd truly been smart and clever, I would have accepted my place: working a menial job and accepting neither side of my heritage would ever see me as anything worthwhile."
"Consumption in humans lasts a few weeks at most before dying. How it works on elves, I don't know," he said bluntly. "But I doubt you did anything deliberately to make yourself ill. Your death and fate weren't because you deliberately zigged when you knew you should have zagged. I died because I was burying a body in an area typically used for hunting, shot by an idiot who decided to hunt at night when he shouldn't have. I probably would have lived longer were it not for the choices that led to that moment. I earned my death and damnation. Did you do the same?"
He scoffed.
"He killed me over insults. I didn't physically attack him. He was under no threat. You were under no threat. And the insults weren't even directed at you and Charlie: They were about how his behavior towards you all was. The only time I actually insulted you, you were present for. He killed me over a wounded ego and ensured my silence because explaining 'my side' would risk revealing his past in Hell, violating our Deal. And people did what they always do: fill in the details to make their favored participant look better."
He allowed that to sink in a moment before continuing.
"And now I can't simply live my life because in the court of public opinion, I am wholly untrustworthy. If dear sweet Lulu killed me, he had to be justified in doing so. Tell him not to do it again but the real guilt lies with the mean old Radio Demon."
He turned away again, intending to leave.
"Why the hell would I not believe he'd do it again in a heartbeat? Especially when he got away with it? He's no different than my past victims who got off Scott free in that sense. I just have no recourse against him and no means of defending myself from the ostracization of my peers as a result. So I give up. I accept my place. I don't understand why you refuse to be satisfied: Your beloved gets what he wants; you get what you want."
"I didn't have to earn anything, sometimes you're just damned from the start with no say in it." Not like it was her fault he decided to be a murderer.
There was clearly no reasoning with the guy, and unlike Lioriley, Night Sky didn't really care to try anymore.
"I'm perfectly satisfied," she corrected, "I just don't understand why you think you're everyone's public enemy number one. I doubt most people know what happened, and you're not the only Visitors that have had an altercation or don't like each other. You're not special, Alastor, and I doubt you're as ostracized as you think. You just want to be miserable. So by all means, go ahead."
She shrugged and snapped her fingers to get her dogs attention. "Hopefully you stop being a sad sack and go try and make up with the people that do like you still. Thanks for the apology, and learn to knock on doors when you're visiting."
How many ways did he have to say "I did this to myself and I've accepted it" before someone finally believe him? That he accepted the punishment for his own actions?
"Believe what you wish, my lady. Though I thought it was obvious that I wasn't special."
Not like her and Lucifer.
He bit back the "of course you'd think I wasn't isolated by it all" on the tip of his tongue. Smile and accept, Alastor.
"I'll not bother you again. Have a pleasant evening."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Her dogs were familiar enough with Alastor thanks to his visits, but he didn't need to know she had told them both to be on the alert if things went south. For now, they settled at her heels.
"It's fine. The birds usually translate text for me. Doesn't work well for letters." She shrugged. "Either way. You wanted to talk?"
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"I'll not take up too much of your time, and I want to preface that by saying that I expect nothing for this meeting other than to give you what you're owed:
"I wish to apologize for my abominable behavior during my last visit to your home. Such uncouth behavior should never have been directed towards a lady such as yourself, and I've regretted it ever since. I didn't approach you earlier because I didn't wish to incur the wrath of your husband and be killed for daring to be in your vicinity, but I should have taken the risk anyway and accepted the consequences."
Because death was the only fitting response at this point.
He gave her another bow, this one lower than the first. Showing her submission which made his stomach churn in one last rebellion against proverbially kneeling.
"Again, I sincerely apologize for my behavior towards you."
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"If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't ask Lucifer to do it." She said bluntly. "And I accept your apology, but you do know I was mostly upset by the implication he doesn't care about me, right?"
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He still expected Lucifer to just smite him if he so much as thought about breathing in Night Sky's direction. For all he knew, the angel was circling around, waiting for a cue to send down the heavenly arrows.
If he was, fine. Alastor didn't give a shit anymore. Let the infinite death loop commence because very likely it was about to start.
"I hope he does for your sake, but I won't lie and try to reassure you that I doubted his fidelity simply in the heat of the moment. I said it because in my experience, anyone who thinks to degrade an opponent -- especially one of lesser ability -- by degrading those they themselves claim to love truly doesn't. Lucifer had a multitude of options to needle Adam with but he chose to flaunt lying with both of the man's ex-wives, one of whom he claimed to love, as if they were nothing more than notches in his bedpost." His eyes narrowed in old seething anger. "My mother didn't deserve that treatment, and I fail to think of anyone who does."
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Then things had escalated quickly. Plus it was very likely an apology at the time would have been seen as him trying to save face when, in reality, he did feel remorseful for it. He'd seen a pattern and echoed it when he knew better.
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He took a deep breath, forcing his anger back under control.
"Since he hadn't exactly been forthcoming with what he'd seen before he'd started the recording with everyone, I chose to question him while his memory of it all was still fresh because who knows what little yet important details might be lost as time went on? Especially since someone had just murdered a faction leader and the new faction leader was the prime suspect. The power vacuum may have been closed immediately but that didn't come without social instability. Quite frankly, I've come to enjoy my time in Caldera even if I have to go hungry to be allowed to stay. I wasn't looking for one thing in particular; I was trying to see the whole picture to look for anything that might not fit to follow up on to eliminate possibilities given my own investigations at the scene of the crime with others had limited results."
Alastor's ears flattened as he glared off to one side.
"And his response to all that was irritation that I had the gall to interrupt his breakfast! He was perfectly fine physically and perfectly content to just let the memories molder! He wasn't allowed in Heaven's Bow anymore, so not his problem! His daughter was safe from the Exterminations, so they weren't his problem! Overlords in power who'd basically been running his kingdom for him didn't intrude on his palace, so not his problem! He might not be in Hell anymore, but he's still a king, and the peasantry should know not to bother him! And when he does decide to get up off his ass to do something as small as visiting his daughter's hotel, we should all be grateful for his presence to swoop in and save the day as if we hadn't been working ourselves to second death trying to make his daughter's dream work for the past five months!"
He stood there trembling, taking harsh, deep breaths to try and calm himself.
Yeah, someone had pent up Issues that Lucifer had unintentionally stamped on through no fault of his own.
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"I think you misunderstood the initial problem. We didn't mind the company — I just wish you didn't break into my house to do all that. A simple heads up would have been nice. And it was... I mean, he wasn't fine, but haven't you considered that the king of Hell probably has to put on appearances a lot? You don't become that powerful and feared by looking weak, even when you feel like shit. It wasn't just that he died, either, he died saving me so, yeah, maybe we were cuddling up and wanted some time alone without an unannounced visitor, good intentions or not. But I don't even think he was mad at you for that." Not really? But she couldn't say for sure.
"I'm sorry you felt, I don't know, betrayed or like he's put himself on a pedestal, but the guy is literally just trying to live his life right now, just like you are. He went in there to try and find out information from Nymion, and maybe he went about it wrong, but you can't deny that he's trying. Just like he was with his announcement. And I'm sure you're trying, too, but you and him can't keep doing this shit. It's only going to make you both miserable."
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He struggled for calm, failing entirely.
"He lost Heaven and Fell because he made a bad choice. Same as everyone else who's Fallen since. He's a Sinner just like the rest of us, but he's an angelic Sinner so he was handed a throne and has enough power in his pinky toe to wipe out the realm if he ever got the motivation to do it. If that's punishment, I'd love to trade places with him.
"And it doesn't matter how much I'm trying. Why would it?"
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She shook her head. "Isn't Charlie's whole thing redemption? Why aren't you trying to redeem yourself here if you care about her so much? Instead you're complaining about a man who, up until you insulted his wife, has been pretty fucking nice to you. If you stop thinking about him all the time and what he has, maybe you'll figure out what an opportunity this is."
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He growled at her accusation. As if he hadn't been busting his ass...!
"As if I hadn't made a life for myself here. I run my own business, assist in these quests, and did everything I could to ignore the eternal hunger for human flesh. I worked hard and earned at least some basic level of respect, had companions I believed for once didn't simply want things from me. Lucifer was one of those number because I foolishly believed that once he was stripped of his power, I was seeing that the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree. Regardless of our Deal, he really did just enjoy our back-and-forths. That maybe, just maybe, I was wrong, and he was different from everyone else that was blessed with so much for simply existing.
"Then he killed me over me pointing out his failures, how he mistreated the ladies in his life and the consequences of his apathy in Hell. Did you know children could go to Hell? Cannibalism isn't a forgivable sin for any age. And not all of them could get to safety during the yearly Cleanse. With him once more acting the part of the King of Hell, I told him that I didn't trust him to do anything for those orphans, and he slaughtered me on their doorstep. Not quickly either. I lost count at seventeen of his blasts before he finally decided to finish me. Good thing he could clean everything up with a snap, hmm? I'm sure my blood and brain matter all over the front door would have never come out otherwise.
"Then I come back, and people tell me I should be civil to the man who slaughtered me, that I should take what he did with a smile. Miss Lioriley in particular pushed and pushed for something I can't give until I snapped at her, until I had to threaten her to leave before I lost control because I have been starving myself for a year to fit in here and, if I didn't get her away right then, I was going to eat her. And in return, I'm treated like a rabid dog that would kill at any moment and avoided while Lucifer who did snap over insults and did kill is given a slap on the wrist and a 'Oh, don't do that again, you naughty boy!'"
He gave a bitter chuckle.
"I told Lucifer why I threatened Miss Lioriley. Back at his grand announcement. You want to know what he told me I should have done? Take a few minutes to explain politely to her the issue. The man's clearly never starved a day in his existence. Meanwhile, I starved across not one but two lifetimes. For every pedigree at the top, there's hundreds of mongrels at the bottom, after all."
He spread his arms in a shrug. Despite the seething anger, there was strain in Alastor's face.
"But, you know, I never tried to make use of the opportunity here. I'm just obsessed with Lucifer. I deserve it. I'm just one more loathsome Sinner; I should accept it and thank my betters for giving me corrections when I cross the line.
"So that's what I'm going to do." He bowed to her again, deep as if she were royalty. "Thank you, Miss Night Sky, for helping me see how badly I wronged your husband. And I apologize for taking up so much of your precious time."
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Night Sky gently set her hand atop Bear Heart's head, knowing full well the beast was catching on to her irritation.
"The only reason he did that was because you insulted me and suggested he shouldn't be around kids. And he didn't seem to enjoy it. I don't think anyone should go around killing anyone, but I've known people to get pushed into a corner. The only thing you can do when that happens is start biting. Also, for your hunger problem — did you ever ask the leaders? There's no way they're just going to let you starve."
It didn't sound accusatory — she was genuinely asking if he had gone down that particular path.
"Stop. This shit right here," she pointed a finger at him. "This shit is uncalled for. I'm not better than you. I'm a fucking elf that lived in the woods her whole life, died of consumption, and came back against her will because a cruel god needed to use me as a weapon. You don't know me, Alastor. I had nothing for so long, so forgive me if I want to keep this one thing from falling apart. And forgive me for caring about the man that saw enough in me that he wanted to make me his wife."
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Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In life, the only option he'd had was fawn. In Hell, he would fight as much as he could while still having to fawn to the one holding his leash. Here, he'd been free and had fought when cornered until he couldn't anymore. So it was time to put on the old fawning routine that he slid into like a second skin.
He said nothing in response to her pointing out people bite when pushed into a corner, allowing the "but it's obviously different when I do it" hang silent between them. He'd at least felt backed into a corner and had bitten but he was treated differently than Lucifer’s own bite. A bite the man clearly felt zero remorse for yet Alastor was expected to grovel.
"My hunger is my punishment," he said bluntly. "I am made to suffer for my crimes for eternity. I accept the consequences and refuse to hand over control of it to those I cannot trust. The price of them solving the issue would be too high, and I am already strangling on my leashes.
"And forgive me for correcting the record and pointing out you know nothing of me because you're wrong. You are better than me, and it's high time I behave appropriately."
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"Then its your own doing. You have the opportunity to not be miserable — take it."
She shook her head. "Why do you think I'm better than you?"
CW: Period-Typical Language
And he wasn't anymore.
"Because from the sound of it, you lived a life that you were content with and your imprisonment was through no fault of your own.
"You weren't a mulato bastard with Ideas about how he could rise above the bayou he'd been born in instead of accepting that he was never going to be anything in the end. That every day spent selling out your own self-respect to reach as high as you possibly could was meaningless in the end. That you let pretty words convince you to reach for more than what you asked for when you decided to prepare yourself for your inevitable Fall, setting yourself up for a chain around your neck. I sold my freedom, my dignity, and for what? To basically end up right back in the Mississippi mud I was spawned from.
"If I'd truly been smart and clever, I would have accepted my place: working a menial job and accepting neither side of my heritage would ever see me as anything worthwhile."
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And then she died and couldn't even rest. So cool.
"You're still free. I don't understand why you think he's going to just come and kill you again. He just wants to live his life, the same way you do."
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He scoffed.
"He killed me over insults. I didn't physically attack him. He was under no threat. You were under no threat. And the insults weren't even directed at you and Charlie: They were about how his behavior towards you all was. The only time I actually insulted you, you were present for. He killed me over a wounded ego and ensured my silence because explaining 'my side' would risk revealing his past in Hell, violating our Deal. And people did what they always do: fill in the details to make their favored participant look better."
He allowed that to sink in a moment before continuing.
"And now I can't simply live my life because in the court of public opinion, I am wholly untrustworthy. If dear sweet Lulu killed me, he had to be justified in doing so. Tell him not to do it again but the real guilt lies with the mean old Radio Demon."
He turned away again, intending to leave.
"Why the hell would I not believe he'd do it again in a heartbeat? Especially when he got away with it? He's no different than my past victims who got off Scott free in that sense. I just have no recourse against him and no means of defending myself from the ostracization of my peers as a result. So I give up. I accept my place. I don't understand why you refuse to be satisfied: Your beloved gets what he wants; you get what you want."
no subject
There was clearly no reasoning with the guy, and unlike Lioriley, Night Sky didn't really care to try anymore.
"I'm perfectly satisfied," she corrected, "I just don't understand why you think you're everyone's public enemy number one. I doubt most people know what happened, and you're not the only Visitors that have had an altercation or don't like each other. You're not special, Alastor, and I doubt you're as ostracized as you think. You just want to be miserable. So by all means, go ahead."
She shrugged and snapped her fingers to get her dogs attention. "Hopefully you stop being a sad sack and go try and make up with the people that do like you still. Thanks for the apology, and learn to knock on doors when you're visiting."
no subject
"Believe what you wish, my lady. Though I thought it was obvious that I wasn't special."
Not like her and Lucifer.
He bit back the "of course you'd think I wasn't isolated by it all" on the tip of his tongue. Smile and accept, Alastor.
"I'll not bother you again. Have a pleasant evening."